to think about all the people that got hurt from the way i spoke to them or the things i did in their compeny and affended them
it's very painfull for me and im in a process of trying to get to know myself better in order to sucseed in being and living the kind of life i deserve so im asking to most simple and sometimes look like dumb question like – why is it painfull for me to know that something i said or done affended someone i care about?
is it my responseabbilty that that someone chose to get hurt, even if he chose it subconciously? i belive we all the time in the process of choosing even when we are not awere of it.
so for example i chose to yell at someone who is very dear to me that im angry at her and i know my energy was the energy of rage, and from my expirince useuly most people expirience it as violent against them,
and on the level of "normal" behaivior i can see that, althgo i know that their are other level too, and its confusing for me, to know to what level to react to, and sometime it feels like i need to choose between levels – like one level is right and the other is wrong,
and now while writing i can see that all the level are "right", they all exist side by side, the thing is to learn in realitionships to recognise what level are we together talking/dealing/being awere right now,
and also i understand now that maybe it hard for me cause im trying to be awere all the time in the same to time to all of the levels – body/feelings/words/energy
and then sometimes its very confusing cause its a lot of information, that sometime contridict – one level contridict another, and then i feel like i need to choose which is true and which i false, and sometime i feel that the person that im comunicating with doesnt want to hear waht i want to say abput what im getting from him, or he thinks it is not the right time or place….
and it is oh too much for me – so i burst and r a g e!!!